Freak Bowling Accident

The setting: mid-August, just 5 weeks before the Run Woodstock trail half-marathon. A man, his pretty wife and three cute kids walk into a 70s era bowling alley (somehow, all bowling alleys are 70s era).

Important fact: the man is a horrible bowler.

The man miraculously begins the game with a turkey, then the law of averages kicks in. The game is no longer going well. He stands with the bowling ball poised for action. He visualizes the perfect throw, begins his approach, takes a deep breath and swings the ball back. Then, disaster… and pain. Somehow his knee managed to insert itself into the forward trajectory of the ball.

The ball gives a hearty chuckle as it rolls down the gutter.

The man stifles walrus-like moans of pain while his wife ponders whether or not what just happened is physically possible unless the swing had actually been aimed at the snack bar. He shakes it off. His knee is tender to the touch and occasionally sends a shot of pain, probably to remind him of the extent of his suckiness. Game over. The mostly happy family exits the building.

Two days later he goes for a long training run. The side of his knee starts aching, then hurts in earnest at around mile seven. He toughs it out, because he's way too manly to give in to something so trivial.

Diagnosis: IT Band Syndrome (irritation leading to inflammation of the iliotibial band, a tendon that runs on the side of the leg from the hip to just below the knee)

Recommended treatment: A little bit of this, a little bit of that. Mostly rest, ice, ibuprofen. Maybe an occasional visit to a local voodoo practitioner. Nothing works. The man is frustrated. Weeks pass, and so does Run Woodstock, with no improvement. Every time he runs his knee starts hurting after a mile and a half. It doesn't hurt him except when he runs, which on the one hand is better than being in constant pain, but on the other, serves to repeatedly trick him into getting his hopes up until they come crashing down as the pain mounts during the same stretch of Snow St.

He's come to his wits end and contemplates the uncontemplateable; going to see the doctor. He knows that the doctor is going to tell him to stop running, and he can tell himself that without having to pay a deductible, and that would mean missing the next race, the Veterans Half Marathon. He returns to the internet to dig deeper, like Columbo with broadband. There, tucked into some of the shadier running injury sites are claims that some people find relief of IT Band Syndrome with a certain type of knee brace. He immediately orders one, tentatively tries it out and, to the sweet music imagined choirs of angels, feels no pain.

He's back in the game, baby.